C.S. Lewis Knows My Struggles

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
— C.S. Lewis

I can not tell you how many times I tried to put this into words both during and following my bout with cancer. I never doubted that God had a reason for what I was going through (and I was blessed enough that He did eventually show me "why") but I did and do constantly struggle with how far it would go, how bad it would get. How much pain would I go through both physically and emotionally? There were so many things I feared, things I never thought I could deal with... would He/ will He give me more than I can handle? I know he says he won't. I guess my real question is does he know I can handle more than I currently think I can, or more than I want to?

"Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
— C.S. Lewis

"God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way."
— C.S. Lewis

Yes yes I know... and I agree. I remember how much God spoke to me when I was sick... I learned more in those four months than I think I had in my whole life. And I never felt closer to God than in those few short months. I really thank him for those moments because I have never been more convinced of his presence than I was then. I think we all need those moments. It brings us back to where we need to be. Yet still, pain is pain, and while reason might exist it does not heal the wounds.

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

I love this. There is not much else to say. Custom homes are always the best :) It's encouraging to think of trials this way.

"Miracles do not, in fact, break the laws of nature."
— C.S. Lewis (Miracles)

And this is where I let my heart rest. God puts us through trials but he is also the creator of miracles. So I will live like "This moment contains all moments." — C.S. Lewis