(The view from my tent the first morning I woke up)
(Our gear and a view of one the river from one of our beaches)
I expected it to be another week of "cancer camp", a time for us all to sit down and tell each other about our journeys and talk about our cancer. That was one expectation that wasn't realized. I was shocked (in a good way) to find the trip different from the beginning. Cancer was hardly mentioned; it became a mere background note, the unsaid reason why we were all together. Rather, we were just a group of friends going on an awesome kayaking trip. This might sound weird, but it was as if we had grown up. I'd venture to say that we were all more emotionally mature than we were when we signed up for that first FD camp. At least I know that to be true for me. This year I no longer felt the need to discuss my cancer. If it came up, sure, that was fine. But there was no emotional longing to express what I had been through or receive validation that my experience was normal, that I was normal. I felt whole again. At least whole enough to be myself and focus on nothing more than enjoying the week and making new friends. And that is exactly what I did.
(Three best friends on costume night!)
(Me with Mango and Hoser... two of our awesome kayak guides!)
But the week wasn't all fun and relaxation... there were definitely challenges. I'll discuss more when I share my journal articles, but basically there were several days when the rapids caught me by surprise, scared me, and made me question my abilities. There were times that my response to those challenges was less than what I wish it had been, and other days when I surprised myself. But in the end, challenges and all, it was an amazing, epic, unforgettable trip. I took away so much from it and now that I'm home I feel more whole, more together, and... happier. I'm always so grateful to FD for what they give me every year and this time is no different. It is truly because of FD that I now have a fulfilling life post cancer. Thank you will never be enough.
(Me kayaking on the Salmon in Idaho)