Sunday, June 17, 2012

When God Speaks

Since I just posted about our sudden and unexpected discussion about adoption, I felt I just had to post this as well.

I am not one of these people that typical sees God speak in crazy random ways. I know several people that do... friends or family that will call me to tell me how that had just had such and such problem or such and such conversation and then they go to church and the topic is 100% specifically about the exact problem/ conversation they had just had and they knew God was showing them what to do. I've always wished I had more of those moments but I just don't. There are only a couple of times I can point to where I knew beyond all doubt that God was telling me what to do and most of those moments were when I had cancer.

But this morning was one of those moments. And I just can't help but share it. Over this past week I have done little other than think about what it would be like to adopt a child. I've talked with 3 adoption agencies, watched YouTube videos, read blogs, you name it I've done it. I have so many questions and very little answers. One of the big questions I have is about how international children do post adoption, like years later, in their teenage years and such. I see so many people with little babies they have adopted from China but I never see people with teenagers they adopted from china 10+ years ago. Are those kids happy with their adopted families? Do they adjust well? Do they have anger problems? Trust problems? Do they love their parents or resent them? Like I said, so many questions. And I have had no idea how to get those kinds of answers.

We have been looking for a new church lately for various reasons. We visited this one church several weeks ago and we liked it but we hadn't been able to go back yet. This morning we woke up and decided to go and we even decided to try a couples class before the service. We are really wanting to meet some other people our age. Well when we got to the class we realized I had mixed up the class times and we were actually in the college class. So we scrambled and went to the only other couples class we saw for people around our age. When we walked in I felt incredibly out of place. Everyone was older than us, some even had kids with them, and we were clearly the odd ones out. I just wanted to turn around and run back downstairs but I knew that wasn't going to happen. So I'm sad to say I sat there just praying it would be over quickly.

But then this lady walked in and with her was her daughter, who was obviously adopted... from China. She was about 12 years old and as cute as could be. I thought it was kind of a weird for a 12 yr old to be in the class but I thought it was even weirder for someone to show up with their teenage adopted daughter for China when I had been just thinking how I never saw any older adopted children. But I just wrote it off as a coincidence.

Then they proceeded to the front of the classroom and sat down and I realized they were there to lead the class. The teacher then explained how they were there to tell us about the lady's journey to adopt her daughter over 10 years ago. She spoke of the poor village from which this little girl was from, and how her mother left her outside of someone's house when she was only 2 weeks old, hoping they would raise her. She told of the poor orphanage she was sent to where she spent the first 11 months of her life sleeping on the floor and being taken care of by 14 yr old girls. She talked about her love for this child and how her decision to adopt was made the same month this little girl was actually conceived. We heard about the challenges she faced when she brought this baby home and how they didn't connect for almost two years. But then we also saw how close they were and what a great relationship they have now. It was such an amazing story.

It was only about 2 minutes into their talk when I felt the waterworks starting. It wasn't long before I couldn't hold them back and I found my self trying to inconspicuously wipe tears from my face. I knew I couldn't look at David because I would either start crying more or I would feel super embarrassed. I hung on every word they said and just sat there wondering how in the world this could be a coincidence. It just couldn't be. Then when it was over, my husband put his arm around me and whispered in my ear that I should go talk to her before she left. I was really surprised to hear him say that since even though he has been open to talking about it he has definitely not been the instigator in this whole thing. I asked him if he was sure and he responded by saying that there was no way this was a coincidence and it must be meant to be. As soon as he said that I got up and left the room and waited in the hallway for her to come out of the class. When she did, all I was able to get out of my mouth was "hey I wanted to talk to you" before the tears just started flowing. I was crying my eyes out but somehow got it across to her in broken sentences that we were just starting to think about adoption. She immediately gave me her card and took my information and then also have me numbers for adoption attorneys and other agencies too. She was so sweet and she actually runs an adoption support group that I am sure we will join if/ when we begin the process.

I then continued to cry throughout the whole church service too. I can't even tell you why I was crying. I certainly wasn't sad. I almost think it was just because I realized how incredible the whole situation was. I just felt God the whole time and that feeling was just so overwhelming, but in a good way. And it hit me that maybe, just maybe, God has a baby out there for us. Maybe there is even a baby out there right this very moment. Or maybe there is a woman carrying our baby right now. God knows even if we don't. But I think it is now obvious that He is preparing us for something, whatever that is. I'm excited to see what unfolds.

When I checked my email tonight, there was a response from an adoption agency that I had contacted to see if we would qualify to adopt in Kazakhstan. I'm not sure why that country is in my mind the most, but it is. Has been every since I saw an Extreme Home Makeover episode about a family who adopted 4 kids from there, some who were missing limbs. In this email they told me that they had called their rep in Kazakhstan to discuss with them our cancer history and were happy to report to us that while many Asian countries will not allow a history of cancer, Kazakhstan isn't one of them. We qualify to adopt from there. Maybe that is why I feel so drawn to that country. Maybe it is where we are supposed to go. Maybe.

Doesn't this Kazakh baby just melt your heart??

No comments:

Post a Comment

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting..... 'WHAT A RIDE!'"