How many times do we find ourselves thinking that? I know here lately I have been guilty of the "pity party" talk. My life has been pretty full of difficulties lately and it has been all to easy to dwell on them. I lost focus. I should not be my focus. Life isn't about "me me me!". Life is more than ourselves and if we keep our eye on our own problems we will miss all of the other things.
I found myself whining over the past week. Depressed, angry, sad, even jealous. Then today, for some reason, something clicked. I saw myself from a different perspective and I wasn't at all happy with the life I was creating where I wanted everything to revolve around me. How disgusting. I'm mad at myself for even getting to that point. I had reached my lowest point and it certainly wasn't pretty.
It's funny how little things make us change our direction. I wrote something yesterday as sort of a "vent" and I reread it this morning. While it sounded justified while I was writing it, reading it again I saw nothing but "selfish" jumping off the page at me. How could I be so self-absorbed?? Then I watched Extreme Home Makeover (such a sucker for that show) and saw this huge family that was poor and had lost their home to a fire, but while they were on vacation they took the time to write a thank you note to every single volunteer and worker that helped build their house. Again, I felt nothing but selfish and that just showed me that truth even more. Then, the final word from God came while I was having girls night with one of my friends. We watched the movie Soul Surfer about the teenage surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. Well if you haven't seen it, you should... great movie! But I watched as this young girl lost something that could have changed her life for the worse, made her depressed and angry, and forced her to give up something she loved doing. But instead she accepted it, moved on, and became more determined than ever to accomplish her goals. She thanked God for what she did have, she gave praise to him, and she focused on helping others who needed it more than she did. Wow.
We have choices when we are faced with tragedies or difficulties. For the past week (more really) I have chosen to be selfish, isolated, and seething inside. I am normally the girl who sees the positive in everything and clings to reason and hope. For some reason the latest events have knocked me down. But even after knocked down we can always choose to get back up. I am choosing that option now, even if I initially made the wrong choice. I am going to praise God, put others first, and realize that there are more important things than my troubles.
So thank you God, for giving me a bed to wake up in this morning, for allowing me to have 3 meals today, for keeping my family safe, for giving me a night with a friend, for this laptop that I am able to use to keep in touch with people, for the car I can use to go to school every day, for the clothes in my closet, and most importantly today, for waking me up and showing me my misgivings and my faults so that I can correct them and come back to you. My life is yours.